


The Easter In Antarctica Affair

by sparky955



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 12:36:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14164995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparky955/pseuds/sparky955
Summary: For Spikesgirl58 & the 2018 MFU Easter Egg eggstraganza





	The Easter In Antarctica Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was dyeing Easter eggs, extra points for slash

The Easter In Antarctica Affair

  
Napoleon!

Lisa.

You need to take this call.

Because?

It’s Mrs. Waverly and she’s crying!

............

Mrs. Waverly, it’s Napoleon. How can I —-

Yes, ma’am.

No, ma’am.

But —

Of course not, ma’am.

Yes, ma’am.

Most definitely, ma’am.

It’ll be my pleasure, ma’am.

I will, ma’am.

I’ll see you tomorrow morning, ma’am.

............

Lisa?  Tell Illya, April and Mark that I need them. And after they get here, put Security on my door and tell them nobody gets out.

............

Look, she was crying. Not only can’t I stand to hear a lady crying, but it was Mrs. Waverly crying. And The Old Man is in Paris at the conference until Tuesday. I couldn’t say no to her.

Napoleon?

Yes, Illya.

It is six fifty three on Saturday evening.

Yes, Illya.

You told Mrs. Waverly you would replace all the stolen eggs in time for the Easter Day hunt.

Yes, Illya.

Tomorrow is Easter.

Very astute, my good little Communist atheist.

Napoleon, the children will arrive for the hunt in fifteen hours.

I know, April.

And you said you’d replace all twelve dozen eggs. That’s one hundred and forty four eggs.

Mark, that Oxford education comes in handy, again.  Nothing gets past you, does it?

Napoleon, we’re all fond of Mrs. Waverly, but the way I see it, you made the promise to her…not us.

April, I’ve been reading that the UNCLE instillation in Antarctica is a remarkably serene longterm posting.

You wouldn’t. Oh. You would.

Come on, Napoleon, I had a date tonight.

Mark, allow me to enlighten you. And everywhere that April went, her partner was sure to follow.

That’s low, mate. Low.

Illya? Illya. Earth to Illya.

Hmm? Be quiet, Napoleon. I’m thinking.

Guardian UNCLE angels, protect us. He’s plotting. No exploding Easter eggs, partner.

............

Yes, Mr. Cronkite, I was the first woman to become an UNCLE Section Two field agent. Exciting? Oh I can’t tell you how exciting my life is. Why, this very evening, in New York City, on the first warm evening of the spring, here in the very heartbeat of all that is modern…where the party never ends…I’m sitting on the floor in my boss’s living room stuffing candy and money into little plastic Easter eggs.

More stuffing, less talking, my girl.

Illya, if he’s always this grumpy, I don’t know how you put up with him.

I’m working on perfecting personally selective hearing loss.

You keep eating those jelly beans, comrade, and you’ll be driving to an all night market in Idaho to find more.

Atebis.

That can be three tickets to Antarctica, you know.

Hey, mates, we’re getting low on dimes. I’m going down to the corner store to get more change.

Mark, it’s four o’clock in the morning on Easter Sunday.

So, I’ll pick the lock and leave a thank you IOU egg at the cash register.

............

Mrs. Waverly, it was my pleasure to help. No, no trouble at all. Anything for the children.

............

I’m going to disembowel him.

I’ll feed his intestines to the crows.

I’m going to burn all his Italian silk shirts.

…………..

Napoleon, I want you to know that the only reason Mark and I responded to your call to come to your office is that you outrank us. Otherwise, I’m still investigating the crow population in New York State.

To my dear friends and fellow agents, without whom there would have been many unhappy little faces on Easter morning, a small token of my heartfelt gratitude.

Napoleon, two weeks vacation in Hawaii!

Yeah, well, both of you remember your sunscreen and don’t trip over any little birds. Honestly, I could not have pulled this off without you. Consider this my belated Easter present to you both with all my thanks.

……………

And as for you, IK.

I don’t like Hawaii.

Now that we’re alone, I have but ten words. You. Me. The Waldorf Astoria. Melted chocolate and whipped cream.

I think I hear my hearing returning. Among other things that are popping up for the day. And hopefully longer.

Thank you for helping make it a fun Easter for those kids. I do love you and appreciate you.  

And I you. And I could do no less for the children. But, next time, let me take the call from Mrs. Waverly.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
